1
00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:04,069
(male announcer)
joey blunts
in the m-m-m-morning.

2
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:06,605
Yo, joey blunts here,
101.2

3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,474
[all talking at once]

4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,241
Yo, hey,
everybody, man.

5
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,710
We still tripping
on that last--

6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,145
[all talking at once]

7
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:16,348
- That was crazy!
- Wardrobe malfunction.

8
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,349
[laughs]

9
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,218
Y'all are crazy.
I can't tell you no more.

10
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,220
Like, all dirty,
but she's crazy.

11
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,490
- Would you do that, meatball?
- Look, man...

12
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,592
I grew up
in the hood, all right?

13
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:27,526
So no.

14
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,293
[laughter]

15
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,229
No, he would want to,
but he can't do it

16
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,131
'cause of that fat ass.

17
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,332
[laughs]

18
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,667
Why y'all always
clowning on meatball?

19
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,769
Meatball!

20
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,070
You brought it up.

21
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:38,704
For real, though.

22
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,206
You're a lesser person.

23
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,274
Y'all you two
got to stop playing.

24
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,642
Meatball!

25
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,444
Lady j with me here,
meatball.

26
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,211
Meatball.

27
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,180
This the top of the hour.
I'm joey blunts.

28
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:48,881
We'll be right back.

29
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,215
- Meatball.
- Whoo!

30
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,852
[indistinct talking over radio]

31
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:12,371
(man)
and back from commercial.

32
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,740
(announcer)
kbeat 101.3.

33
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,609
[all screaming]

34
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,580
Meatball, meatball!

35
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,317
[haunting western music]

36
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:33,559
♪ ♪

37
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,675
So, dude,
I swear to god, man.

38
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:53,645
Stewardesses
are looking hot to me.

39
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,215
I don't care
how old,

40
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,417
What shape.

41
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,853
I'm just like,
let's--

42
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:01,887
- Let's go.
- Let's go.

43
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,889
- Let's go.
- I'll meet you at the toilet.

44
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:07,292
Bring me an advil
and some ginger ale.

45
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:07,759
[laughs]

46
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,496
[woman's voice]
can I get you anything else?

47
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,396
[normal voice]
yeah, you can.

48
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,465
One time, I had, like,
a sinus infection

49
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,533
When the plane
was coming down,

50
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,201
And, [bleep], my girl
was just like,

51
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,570
"I know. I know.
I'm so sorry."

52
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,872
She was like,
"I know.

53
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:22,307
Oh, I'm so sorry."

54
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,276
[moaning]

55
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,179
Okay, all right.

56
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:30,749
(mark)
he's disgusting.

57
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,918
Bernard?
He's disgusting.

58
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:33,952
He's not even like her.

59
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,354
He's an airplane technician.
I mean, come on.

60
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,490
And he talks too much.
That's why I like you.

61
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,858
You don't talk.
You just listen.

62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,294
- It's good.
[bell dings]

63
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,763
Okay.

64
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,866
And the captain has turned on
the "fasten seat belt" sign.

65
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,768
Got a little turbulence
coming up.

66
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,569
Should be no problem.

67
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,971
Just remain in your seat
until the sign is turned off.

68
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,674
Thank you
for your cooperation.

69
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:57,976
Okay.

70
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:03,348
Excuse me.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

71
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,517
Hi, excuse me.

72
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,585
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

73
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,253
I'm gonna need you
to take your seat.

74
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,321
The "fasten seat belt"
sign is on.

75
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,589
Yeah, I'm just gonna go
to the bathroom for a second.

76
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,491
I'll be
right back, okay?

77
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,692
I understand
what you want to do.

78
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,960
Unfortunately,
I'm gonna need you

79
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,495
To observe
the "fasten seat belt" sign.

80
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,931
That'd be
much appreciated.

81
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,599
Right, it's just
I read on the internet

82
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,267
That it's not
against the law

83
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,101
For me to go
to the bathroom

84
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,737
While the "fasten seat belt"
sign is on, so...

85
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:26,872
"seat belt" sign
is on.

86
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,808
But is it
against the law, though?

87
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,809
The light is on.

88
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,944
[inhales sharply]

89
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,412
Is it against the law?

90
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,813
You see
that there's a picture

91
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,814
Of a seat belt
on that sign.

92
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,517
I know, but is it
against the law, though?

93
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,518
The "fasten seat belt" sign
is on.

94
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,353
But is it against
the law, though?

95
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,988
- "seat belt" sign is on.
- But is it against the law?

96
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,823
- But is it against the law?
- "seat belt" sign.

97
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,425
- But is it against the law?
- It's on.

98
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,026
- Law.
- "seat belt" sign is on.

99
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,027
- Legal.
- "seat belt" sign is on.

100
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,696
- Lawful.
- "seat belt" sign is on.

101
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,264
- Sir, you're being difficult.
- Law.

102
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,799
- You're being very difficult.
- Law, law, law.

103
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,401
- Seat belt, seat belt.
- Not illegal, not illegal.

104
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,970
- Okay.
- Legal.

105
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:58,971
- Fasten--
- legal.

106
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:01,573
- Fasten your seat--
- legal.

107
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,774
- Sir.
- I have to piss.

108
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,010
And I have to [bleep]
in the toilet.

109
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:05,944
Can you lower
your voice?

110
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,280
[whispering]
I have to piss,
and I have to [bleep].

111
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,414
Okay, lower
your intensity.

112
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,315
You're louder
than me.

113
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,450
You're yelling
in my face.

114
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,319
Sir, you're the one who I think
needs to tone it down right now.

115
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,087
You are
screaming at me.

116
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:19,591
[whispering]
you're hurting my eardrums.

117
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,995
[mouthing words]

118
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,432
[mouthing words]

119
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:29,368
That wasn't
a word.

120
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,969
You're not saying
a word there.

121
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,471
This is a word.

122
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,605
- That's not--
- that's a word.

123
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:37,342
That's not a word.
That's a tongue trick.

124
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,344
Okay, sir.
Sir, sir.

125
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,045
If you would like--

126
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,347
I would not like to.

127
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,181
I would not like
to sit down.

128
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:48,854
What I'd like to do is go take
a [bleep] in the bathroom...

129
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,490
Because it's not

130
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:54,993
Against the law.

131
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:59,831
So I'm gonna go
to the bathroom, okay?

132
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,569
Mark with a k.

133
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,673
[tense music]

134
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:15,947
♪ ♪

135
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:35,967
♪ ♪

136
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:49,648
[people scream]

137
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,759
[people screaming]

138
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:04,129
[dramatic choral music]

139
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:11,570
♪ ♪

140
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:17,175
[people screaming]

141
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:33,692
♪ ♪

142
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:56,948
♪ ♪

143
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,654
[people screaming]

144
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:11,963
♪ ♪

145
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:38,890
♪ ♪

146
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,961
[exhales deeply]

147
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,529
[bell dings]

148
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,736
And your captain has turned off
the "fasten seat belt" sign.

149
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,539
Feel free to move
around the cabin.

150
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:55,707
Thank you
for your cooperation.

151
00:07:55,709 --> 00:08:00,178
[dark music]

152
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:06,084
[whimsical music]

153
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,186
♪ ♪

154
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,288
[blows raspberry]

155
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,660
[coins jingle]

156
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,631
Ding!

157
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:26,204
♪ ♪

158
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,806
Wow.

159
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:46,191
♪ ♪

160
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,139
[haunting western music]

161
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:03,708
Good to see you,
old boy.

162
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,610
- Yes.
- How was kenya?

163
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,446
I love kenya.
Absolutely adore the place.

164
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,215
You know,
it's so important

165
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,651
To protect them,
you know...

166
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,218
Indeed.

167
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,419
The few untouched
tribes left.

168
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,254
- Indeed.
- Yes.

169
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,289
And while we're
on the subject,

170
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,291
I've got something
of a confession to make.

171
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:20,592
Oh, dear.

172
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,928
While I was down there,
I caught the attention

173
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,462
Of a young masai woman.

174
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:24,996
You didn't.

175
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:25,864
She took me
for an exotic,

176
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,899
Sophisticated superman
of sorts

177
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,267
And developed something
of a liking to me.

178
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,470
Well, isn't that
always the way?

179
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,471
Yes, it is.

180
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,407
And it's quite awful,
gerald.

181
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,241
She came down to my hut

182
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,343
Wearing nothing
but a fertility headdress

183
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,412
And carrying
a husband stick,

184
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,415
And, oh, I had to participate
in the customs.

185
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,750
Well, it would be
morally irresponsible

186
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,785
If you did not participate
in the custom.

187
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,821
You could destroy
their entire social structure.

188
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,323
Oh, I felt so terrible
about it.

189
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,358
Of course
you did, gerald.

190
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,461
- I felt terrible seven times.
- Oh, dreadful.

191
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,930
But, you know, gerald,
I, too, have a confession.

192
00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,497
Do tell.

193
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,666
Remember several years ago
when I went to the amazon?

194
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,334
- Yes.
- Yes.

195
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,370
Well, I accidentally packed
a lighter in my satchel.

196
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:05,937
Oh, my.

197
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,640
Yes, well, one day,
I absent-mindedly lit the flint,

198
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,675
And the entire village
took me for a god.

199
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:11,476
- Oh, no.
- Yes.

200
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,477
Every sundown,
as I was being fellated

201
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,213
By all the young women
of the village,

202
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:15,981
Which is the local custom,

203
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,385
I felt completely embarrassed
by the entire affair.

204
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,655
I can only imagine
in some vivid detail,

205
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,858
But you can't deny
the local custom.

206
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,593
You absolutely cannot deny
the local customs.

207
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,895
(both)
you can't deny
the local customs.

208
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:35,233
One thing you must do
is adhere to the local customs.

209
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:35,800
[muttering]

210
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,502
You must adhere
to the local customs.

211
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,637
[both muttering]

212
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,338
[muttering]
you must adhere
to the local customs.

213
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,574
Local customs
must not be denied!

214
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:43,541
It's, oh, the least
one can do.

215
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,444
It all reminds me of the time
I was in papua new guinea

216
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:50,281
And I introduced the local tribe
to the french term

217
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,016
<i>Ménage à trois.</i>

218
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,685
After that evening,
a couple of the local men

219
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:54,352
Called me "papua."

220
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,287
Oh, dear.

221
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,556
Whoops-a-daisy!

222
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,391
[imitates explosion]

223
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,392
Whoops-a-daisy,
indeed.

224
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,528
It's getting harder and harder
to protect the local tribes

225
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,930
From the influence
of the outside civilizations.

226
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:09,000
I know exactly what you mean,
old boy, exactly,

227
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,568
And I must confess
that the last time

228
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,671
I was deep in the bush
in australia...

229
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,304
Yes?

230
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,273
I ended up deep in bush
in australia.

231
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:15,940
Boo-yah.

232
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,309
Well, where are you
off to now, old boy?

233
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:18,977
I'm off to tanzania.

234
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,413
Tanzania--make sure
that you go during an eclipse,

235
00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:23,515
Because then everyone
will want to have sex with you.

236
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,550
(both)
mm.

237
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,318
Hmm.

238
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:27,852
[chuckles]

239
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:28,853
(both)
regrettably.

240
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:32,390
[both muttering, humming]

241
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,962
[haunting western music]

242
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:43,034
You think you--
do you think you are a sexist?

243
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,069
Um, uh...

244
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,870
Much to my chagrin,
yes, I am.

245
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:46,771
- You are.
- I am.

246
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:47,939
I try not to be,
but I am.

247
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,774
And that's good
that you know that.

248
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:50,542
Oh, yeah.

249
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,478
'cause I'm--if anything,
I'm sexist against men.

250
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:58,550
We sexualize women
as soon as possible.

251
00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,851
It's the first thing
we do.

252
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,886
I took a woman's studies class
in college,

253
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,823
And we were in a discussion
with the professor--

254
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,491
Ah, you got in
a woman's studies class, dog.

255
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,059
No, no, no, jordan.

256
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,028
I know what
you're doing, dude.

257
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:10,795
Yeah.

258
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,630
Get a little
extracurriculars.

259
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,198
Oh, my god.

260
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,033
We gots to do--
anybody want to work

261
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,936
On this project
at my house afterwards?

262
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,671
That's some nice [bleep], dude.

263
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,506
[haunting western music]

264
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,542
[bright music]

265
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:28,680
[applause]

266
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:33,351
What if we told y'all
that once a month,

267
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,553
Half the human race
is in pain?

268
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,656
And the other half

269
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:42,694
Don't want to hear [bleep]
about it?

270
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:44,496
- I'm shaboots michaels!
- I'm t-ray tombstone!

271
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,997
Welcome to...

272
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,434
(both)
menstruation orientation!

273
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,869
Oh, no,
you don't.

274
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,070
Now, we know you don't want
to hear about it.

275
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,004
But they don't
want to have it,

276
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:56,074
So sit your ass down and listen
for once in your life.

277
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,375
Today we're gonna talk
to all you men

278
00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:00,411
About what happens to your women
when they're on their periods

279
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,546
And why
it's important to...

280
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,648
(both)
be sensitive to that [bleep].

281
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,851
Don't say "chillax," "relax,"
"calm down," and "how come?"

282
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:10,889
Don't say "ass," "fat,"
"grumpy," or "cranky."

283
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:11,689
They ain't cranky.

284
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:14,025
They got blood coming
out of their vaginas, y'all!

285
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,561
That's some biblical
plague [bleep], y'all!

286
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,429
That would be like
once a month

287
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,698
If you had locusts flying
out of your dick for a week!

288
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,433
Your ass
wouldn't be cranky.

289
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,535
Your ass
would be like...

290
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:27,472
- Oh, [bleep]!
[both screaming]

291
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,706
- My dick!
[screaming continues]

292
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:33,978
(both)
so be nice to your bitches
when they bleeding!

293
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,847
If you ain't
getting 'em [bleep]...

294
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:36,848
Get the [bleep]
out they way!

295
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,584
- They got cramps!
- They got headaches.

296
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,285
They got weight gain!

297
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,152
And every time
they pee,

298
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,721
It's like<i> the shining</i>
in the toilet.

299
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,990
- Be supportive.
- Be empathetic.

300
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:46,691
But whatever you do...

301
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:49,694
(both)
do not try to solve it!

302
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,595
Don't even bring
that [bleep] up!

303
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,997
When women be
hanging out together,

304
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,666
Their periods
will sync up.

305
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,601
Vaginas
be communicating.

306
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,703
They got their own
vagina language.

307
00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,671
(both)
talking about...

308
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,440
[both speaking gibberish]

309
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,146
If you find yourself
around a group of women

310
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,515
And they all have
a backache...

311
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,217
(both)
back away slowly.

312
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,618
What's that in your pocket
there, shaboots?

313
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,888
Recognize this,
mother[bleep]?

314
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,823
That ain't
space dynamite.

315
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:19,624
That's a tampon.

316
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,026
Learn what your bitch
has to go through.

317
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,463
First, you put
this piece in your vagina!

318
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:25,864
Oop.

319
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,599
Then you push this part
into the first piece!

320
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,033
Gweeps

321
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,902
Then you throw
this part away!

322
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:34,138
Do that several times
a day for a week

323
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,707
Every goddamn month!

324
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,010
It's the worst thing ever
all the time!

325
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,178
It's much worse for them

326
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,880
Than it is for you
to hear about it.

327
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,715
And periods
is important.

328
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,883
That's how the body
gets rid of the old egg

329
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,818
So it can cook up
them new ones.

330
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,519
So listen to what's
going on with your female

331
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:49,988
Emotionally and...

332
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,990
(both)
get your bitch
some chocolate!

333
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,491
Don't call her
a bitch, but...

334
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,593
(both)
get your bitch
some chocolate!

335
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,662
[both singing]

336
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,230
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪

337
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,798
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪

338
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,966
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪

339
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,935
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪

340
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,070
♪ chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪

341
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:10,708
♪ chocolate ♪

342
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,644
[haunting western music]

343
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:15,947
It's weird being
in a relationship this long,

344
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:19,784
When you start to go
on, like, double dates

345
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,052
With other couples.

346
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:21,686
Mm-hmm.

347
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,088
I'll go an entire night
and not even realize

348
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,691
That my girlfriend
hated this bitch.

349
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,191
Right.

350
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:30,662
I'll be like, "oh," 'cause
there was a whole subplot.

351
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,697
I feel like I've been
in that situation before.

352
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,065
I'll tell you,
I had one situation

353
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,233
Where there was guy
that I ended up--

354
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,336
I'm gonna just be straight--
I'm gonna be straight about it.

355
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,838
I'm like, "this dude
seems pretty interested

356
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,273
"in what I do
for a living.

357
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,708
I don't give a [bleep]..."

358
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,043
Oh, [bleep].

359
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,844
"about what he does
for a living."

360
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:47,679
Oh, [bleep].

361
00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:48,813
"I don't want to hear
actuarial tables."

362
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,982
Calling him off.

363
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,951
[haunting western music]

364
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,853
There's no way
that he can win.

365
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,721
No, mm-mm, no.

366
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,257
So, anyway, what did you think
of the season finale

367
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,258
Of<i> game of thrones?</i>

368
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,759
- [gasps]
- right?

369
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,294
- That was--
- no, no, no.

370
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,395
I'm reading
the books.

371
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,998
Oh, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry.

372
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,399
And he reads slow.

373
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,400
[laughter]

374
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,269
We can never
talk about it.

375
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,371
We're never
gonna talk about it.

376
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,238
Okay.

377
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,106
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.

378
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:18,776
Hey, has anybody seen
that new russell crowe thriller?

379
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:19,744
'cause let me tell--

380
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,379
Ah, ah, ah!

381
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,014
Ah.

382
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,048
Sorry, it's just

383
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,451
We're going tomorrow,
and I don't want to know

384
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,719
A thing about it.

385
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:28,820
Doesn't want
to know a thing.

386
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,990
- Got you. Okay, all right.
- Sure, yeah.

387
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:34,892
Yeah, yeah.
That is--

388
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,160
How--who won the game?

389
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,830
- I think--
- n-n-n-n-n-n-n.

390
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,232
That--I'm--
I'm gonna watch it later.

391
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,101
- Oh, you're--
- oh, you have a dvr.

392
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,035
- I got it--
- sorry, okay.

393
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:44,836
Mum's the word.

394
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:48,840
- Yeah.
- So...

395
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,047
- So...
- Yeah.

396
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,116
What's the weather
gonna be like this--

397
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,385
[squawking]

398
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,453
[dog barking in the distance]

399
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,489
Sorry.
It's, uh...

400
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,189
[sighs]

401
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,524
We're having
a barbecue this weekend,

402
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,393
And I don't want to stress
about the weather.

403
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,361
- No, of course you don't.
- We just--yeah.

404
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,896
Yeah.
You know, yeah.

405
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,799
[clears throat]

406
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,509
This three-bean
casserole is--

407
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:27,845
[scatting]

408
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:30,014
I'm so sorry, babe.
I just--

409
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,949
- I hadn't tasted them yet.
- I'm sorry.

410
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:35,486
- I'm sorry.
- Really looking forward to it.

411
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,087
You know?

412
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,922
Don't talk about
the ingredients, I know.

413
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:38,890
It's a surprise
for your mouth.

414
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:42,293
- Yeah.
- Really.

415
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,966
Oh, uh...

416
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,435
[laughs]

417
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,371
You know that
commercial with--

418
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,173
Okay, never--

419
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,141
Oh.

420
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,142
[laughs]

421
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:59,844
[laughing]
okay.

422
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,216
(woman)
never mind.

423
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,984
That's probably best.

424
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:10,988
- Yeah.
- [clears throat]

425
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,326
Oh.

426
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,598
No, it's fine.

427
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:27,505
- Cheesecake.
- [gasps]

428
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,107
- What?
- Huh?

429
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,008
We got cheesecake.

430
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,076
- I mean...
- Oh, yeah.

431
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,612
No, I'd love
some cheesecake.

432
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,413
- Yeah.
- Let's do that.

433
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:36,147
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

434
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,048
All right,
what the hell?

435
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,149
- Okay, cheesecake.
- Cheesecake.

436
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:41,486
I mean, I've been watching
my cholesterol intake,

437
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,320
But what the hell, right?

438
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,989
We're all gonna die
someday anyway.

439
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:45,957
- What?
- Honey.

440
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,024
- Wow.
- Come on.

441
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:47,725
Are you
kidding me?

442
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,328
You just ruin it
every time!

443
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,129
I'll see you
at home.

444
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,096
- But wait a second.
- So rude!

445
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:57,935
Now, how would you not know
that that was taking place?

446
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,036
[haunting western music]

447
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,640
Father, please hear our prayer
for the poor.

448
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,508
Thank you, father.
Yes.

449
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,144
We beseech you
for the disenfranchised,

450
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:09,981
The less fortunate,
and those that suffer.

451
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:10,515
Yes.

452
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,618
Show us your will
so we can continue

453
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,986
To do your work.

454
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:15,653
(both)
yes.

455
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:20,558
[overlapping voices] I've come
to answer your prayers.

456
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:25,396
Listen carefully
to my instructions.

457
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,132
Oh, god.
Thank you.

458
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,333
Thank you so much.

459
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,004
I want you to send
everything you own...

460
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:38,442
Immediately
in service to the poor.

461
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:41,746
[bright choral music]

462
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:42,547
♪ ♪

463
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,016
Just want to clarify.
Um...

464
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,285
Everything?

465
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:50,588
[overlapping voices]
yes, rid yourself

466
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,057
Of all earthly possessions.

467
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:59,197
♪ ♪

468
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,200
Oh, [bleep]!
This house is haunted!

469
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,134
[screams]

470
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,302
It's a ghost!

471
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,236
(man)
it's a haunted house!

472
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,271
Go, go, go,
go, go!

473
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,674
It's<i> insidious.</i>

474
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,210
♪ ♪

475
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,644
[overlapping voices]
oh.

476
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,080
I see
what they did there.

477
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:19,150
[haunting western music]

478
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,221
Is there any religion
where you literally--

479
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:27,024
I mean, the ceremony
is just, like, five seconds

480
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:27,758
Once a month.

481
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,560
You hit it,
and you're just like...

482
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,430
[chanting oddly]

483
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,297
"I'm good
for two months."

484
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:36,100
That's the other thing.
You can stockpile them.

485
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,469
- You can do a bunch in a row.
- Do a bunch in a row.

486
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,136
Stockpile them.

487
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,172
Like, if I spent a day
just doing...

488
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:43,507
[chanting oddly]

489
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:44,775
Never have
to do it again.

490
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,543
Done, you're set.

491
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,579
Buddy, you might've worked
something out there.

492
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,247
This is how--

493
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,449
I think you could
get some followers there.

494
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,183
I think so too.

495
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:53,651
I'm gonna just keep going
to jerk churches

496
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,419
And dancing around
and screaming.

497
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,454
I'll do that.

498
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,289
[chanting oddly]

499
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:02,059
(man)
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪

500
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,128
Oh, yeah.

501
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:08,466
Cheers, john o'rourke.

502
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,868
Not bad for an irishman,
a dirty irishman.

503
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,738
Dirty irishman.
Hey!

504
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,206
[laughs]

505
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,208
He came at me
like a goddamn troll.

506
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:19,610
Or an irishman.

507
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:19,643
Irishman, troll--
synonymous!